(NOTE: This is a note that I wrote right before Christmas 2009 - our first Christmas without Pops.)
My heart is so full and overwhelmed and I continue to adjust to this "new normal." I look forward to the day that I no longer have to carry makeup to reapply before I walk into work, the grocery store, or church because I’ve cried it off and when I can make a complete, coherent thought. I’m clinging to the Lord, the provider of my peace, joy, and strength. My hope is in Him alone. He continues to shower me with His grace. His presence is astounding.
Let me encourage you not to get so caught up in the “busyness” of this Christmas season that you forget the reason for it. Remember that quality time together is more important than “things.” Spend time with your family and friends, but don’t just endure it. Enjoy it! It’s all about your attitude toward it and you control that.
I ask this a lot, but what drives you? What you are most driven by will determine your thoughts, your feelings/emotions, and your actions. Go ahead, ask someone what they think you are driven by. It’s a good reality check and can be quite a humbling experience. ;)
I hope you all have a blessed and Merry Christmas!! May you find joy, peace, comfort, healing, wholeness, and rest in the arms of our sweet Savior!
Friday, January 1, 2010
Journey to Healing - 3 Months Later
12 Weeks later…
Today, Nov 4, marks 12 weeks since my Pops took his final breath on this temporal place called Earth. It marks the day that he met our Lord and Savior face-to-face for the first time. It marks the beginning of His transition from a world overtaken with compromise, disease, and void to a place of perfection and glory. It marks the beginning of Eternity that he’ll be spending with our Heavenly Father.
The moment after my dad took his last breath, my oldest brother (Chad) smiled and said, “Man, I’d give anything to see what he’s seeing right now!” You see, I am not sad for my dad. I am assured of his salvation and the fact that he is spending Eternity in Heaven. He is a child of the Most High God, whom he loved and served with all of his heart. He’s reaping all of the rewards and blessings that the Lord promised for having been a faithful servant. He was certainly not perfect and he had his flaws, as we all do, but he was a servant. He was faithful. He was obedient. His life was a reflection of his love and devotion to the King.
12 weeks later…Where am I? I’m still not sleeping very much/well (pardon the dark circles and addiction to caffeine). I continue to have anxiety/panic attacks and meltdowns (these tend to happen at the most inopportune times). My heart seems to ache more and more with each passing week.
12 weeks later…What is the Lord doing? He is rocking my world. He is showing me every single day how faithful He is and how much He loves me. He has sent some of the most amazing, Godly people into my life who have been through this very same nightmare. Together, they have provided such comfort and healing. The Lord’s mercies and grace are new each day-He provides exactly what I need at the exact moment that I need it. He’s good like that, ya know? He is preparing me for something huge, something beyond anything that I can fathom. What is it? Simma’ down now…the Lord works in His own timing…I’ll let you know when I do. Ha! He’s really challenging me right now to love on others and serve them although my heart is burdened, overwhelmed and frankly, just not wanting to. His love is unconditional and he shows this to me in every facet of life. I’m learning to release ALL of my concerns and burdens to Him (if you truly know me, you know just how significant and difficult this is for me to do), to share with Him the deepest desires and longings of my heart, and to trust Him with every fiber of my being. I’m gaining further insight into the absolute necessity for growing in relationship and fellowship with him daily, even hourly, as my Heavenly Dad-not just someone or something that I call on for help when I’m in over my head or at my wits end. Rather, to crave intimacy with Him and to make the Lord #1 in my life and in a world that all too often seems to crave and pursue anything but Him.
12 weeks later…What does this mean for YOU? We are not promised the next 5 years. We are not promised our next birthday. We are not promised tomorrow. We are not promised next hour. We are not promised our very next breath. What are you pursuing? What do you spend your time, your talent, and your treasure on? What is its eternal value? When my dad passed away, no one talked about the incredible business that he and my mom built with their own sweat and tears or the countless hours and work that went into making it successful. Yet, everyone talked about the integrity and level of excellence in which they performed as well as how they treated and loved on customers, employees, and everyone they came in contact with. No one talked about their beautiful dream log home on the lake where they had hoped to grow old together. Yet, everyone talked about how they used it as a refuge for anyone and everyone in order to serve them and be a blessing to them. My dad isn’t remembered for what car he drove, what career path he chose, or how many hours he put in at the office. He’s remembered for sowing into the Kingdom and for making an impact in the lives of so many individuals.
My charge to you: “…choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve…“ (Joshua 24:15) It’s a choice, but you aren’t promised another chance to make the right one. The Lord has provided every single thing that you need, just accept it. Choose abundant life and blessings. Don’t settle for mediocrity. Don’t give in to compromise. Pursue excellence.
My dad was driven by Eternity. I am driven by Eternity. What is driving you?
Today, Nov 4, marks 12 weeks since my Pops took his final breath on this temporal place called Earth. It marks the day that he met our Lord and Savior face-to-face for the first time. It marks the beginning of His transition from a world overtaken with compromise, disease, and void to a place of perfection and glory. It marks the beginning of Eternity that he’ll be spending with our Heavenly Father.
The moment after my dad took his last breath, my oldest brother (Chad) smiled and said, “Man, I’d give anything to see what he’s seeing right now!” You see, I am not sad for my dad. I am assured of his salvation and the fact that he is spending Eternity in Heaven. He is a child of the Most High God, whom he loved and served with all of his heart. He’s reaping all of the rewards and blessings that the Lord promised for having been a faithful servant. He was certainly not perfect and he had his flaws, as we all do, but he was a servant. He was faithful. He was obedient. His life was a reflection of his love and devotion to the King.
12 weeks later…Where am I? I’m still not sleeping very much/well (pardon the dark circles and addiction to caffeine). I continue to have anxiety/panic attacks and meltdowns (these tend to happen at the most inopportune times). My heart seems to ache more and more with each passing week.
12 weeks later…What is the Lord doing? He is rocking my world. He is showing me every single day how faithful He is and how much He loves me. He has sent some of the most amazing, Godly people into my life who have been through this very same nightmare. Together, they have provided such comfort and healing. The Lord’s mercies and grace are new each day-He provides exactly what I need at the exact moment that I need it. He’s good like that, ya know? He is preparing me for something huge, something beyond anything that I can fathom. What is it? Simma’ down now…the Lord works in His own timing…I’ll let you know when I do. Ha! He’s really challenging me right now to love on others and serve them although my heart is burdened, overwhelmed and frankly, just not wanting to. His love is unconditional and he shows this to me in every facet of life. I’m learning to release ALL of my concerns and burdens to Him (if you truly know me, you know just how significant and difficult this is for me to do), to share with Him the deepest desires and longings of my heart, and to trust Him with every fiber of my being. I’m gaining further insight into the absolute necessity for growing in relationship and fellowship with him daily, even hourly, as my Heavenly Dad-not just someone or something that I call on for help when I’m in over my head or at my wits end. Rather, to crave intimacy with Him and to make the Lord #1 in my life and in a world that all too often seems to crave and pursue anything but Him.
12 weeks later…What does this mean for YOU? We are not promised the next 5 years. We are not promised our next birthday. We are not promised tomorrow. We are not promised next hour. We are not promised our very next breath. What are you pursuing? What do you spend your time, your talent, and your treasure on? What is its eternal value? When my dad passed away, no one talked about the incredible business that he and my mom built with their own sweat and tears or the countless hours and work that went into making it successful. Yet, everyone talked about the integrity and level of excellence in which they performed as well as how they treated and loved on customers, employees, and everyone they came in contact with. No one talked about their beautiful dream log home on the lake where they had hoped to grow old together. Yet, everyone talked about how they used it as a refuge for anyone and everyone in order to serve them and be a blessing to them. My dad isn’t remembered for what car he drove, what career path he chose, or how many hours he put in at the office. He’s remembered for sowing into the Kingdom and for making an impact in the lives of so many individuals.
My charge to you: “…choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve…“ (Joshua 24:15) It’s a choice, but you aren’t promised another chance to make the right one. The Lord has provided every single thing that you need, just accept it. Choose abundant life and blessings. Don’t settle for mediocrity. Don’t give in to compromise. Pursue excellence.
My dad was driven by Eternity. I am driven by Eternity. What is driving you?
25 Things About Me...
1.I love my Lord and Savior with every fiber of my being. I am continuously blown away and overwhelmed by this grace, mercy, and unconditional love that he so freely bestows upon me, such a “lowly thing of this world.”
2.My family (dad, mom, 2 brothers, 2 sisters {in-law}) are my world and my best friends. They are my biggest and best support group and I would be lost without them. The older and wiser I get, the more appreciative of them I become. Mess with them, and I will take you down. I’m just sayin’. ;)
3.I grew up fishing in the lake in my backyard, building forts(and helping set them on fire), climbing trees w/ rope swings, riding go carts/golf carts, jumping bales of hay, riding a 10 speed back and forth from each of my friends homes in my neighborhood everyday in the summertime, having swimming parties and cookouts in our backyard, playing ghost in the graveyard, having fish fries, Alabama football tailgate parties, camping out in the backyard or at a neighbor’s house, etc. My neighborhood was incredible thanks to Sunny, Megan, Ashton, Rodney, Mark, Lauren M, Lauren E, Ashlynn, Lindsey, Susie, Leslie, Bryan, the Brackins, the Owens, and everyone else that I have forgotten. I had an incredible childhood. The awesome thing is, I still do most of these activities. ;)
4.Through my dad's death, the Lord has brought me some of the most amazing new friends to love and help comfort me. I am most grateful for them! "You give and take away...my heart will choose to say, Lord Blessed be your name!"
5.I love all things outdoors, playing rockband, having great life chats with some of my best friends, watching movies, and people watching. I love people and I get the most pleasure from spending quality time with close friends and family -afterall, QT is one of my love languages.
6.I look forward to getting married and being a mom one day. I want at least 4 kids and would love to adopt, possibly from various countries. How amazing would it be to save a little girl from China, a little boy from Kazakhstan, and so forth? I think it’s just a little glimpse of what heaven will be like.
7.I am SO blessed with my job and those that I work with at DAXKO. Thank you, Lord, for your provisions!
8.I am colorblind, I hate shopping, I still sleep with a baby blanket every night, and I have lived in a total of 11 homes/apartments in less than 9 years(all between B’ham and Tuscaloosa), and I love, love, love food. It’s just how we show our love in the Crumpler family (and in Alabama!).
9.I spent my 21st birthday at Six Flags with some of my best friends and left shortly after to spend a summer in California, which turned out to be the best summer of my life!
10.My favorite artists/groups are Third Day, Casting Crowns, Rita Springer, and Natalie Grant. Their concerts are really worship services—so powerful and life changing!
11.My favorite restaurant in Birmingham is Surin.
12.Evidently I like change--I have had bleached blonde hair, bright red hair, jet black hair, horrible bangs, and a smurf haircut throughout my lifetime--most of this also happened when I had braces for 4 years. WOW.
13.I LOVE the bright colored bendy straws that you can get in a package for about $0.88 at Wal-Mart. I use a straw for everything!!! I know, it doesn’t take much to make me happy.
14.I’m officially addicted to caffeine and have no intention to break myself of this anytime soon. I can’t seem to find enough time to sleep, so I drink coffee and Spark by Advocare. Then, I can’t sleep because I’m so wired from the caffeine. It’s just a perpetual and never ending cycle. Again, I have no desire to make this better anytime soon.
15.I love to snow ski , although it has been a few years since my last trip. I’d love to go again, soon. Any takers??
16.I enjoy the small things in life and am learning to slow down and soak in each day because I’ve come to realize they pass all too quickly.
17.I cannot wait to get to Heaven- to spend Eternity with my Heavenly Dad and to see my dad, my brother Eric, Russ and Katie's first baby, and many dear friends again. Oh what a glorious day that will be!!
18.I have self diagnosed myself as having separation anxiety.
19.I LOVE music and love to dance. I will do it again someday. I’m just waiting for the right opportunity to present itself (one in which I can do for God’s glory).
20. I tend to only disclose “surface level” information; however, I’m ALWAYS listening, watching, discerning, and “taking things in” from others.
21.Two Pesos is my favorite Mexican restaurant and the owners all know me. I obviously frequent this restaurant too much because the last time I visited their new location, one of the workers said “I’m so sorry we don’t have a to-go menu for you just yet. I promise I can get you one next time you stop by! I’ll do it just for you!” You know you have a problem when...
22.I still don’t know what I want to do when I grow up. I love Jesus, I love my family, and I love people. Some days I have to fight the urge to sell everything, pack up, and just head to another country to love on people that don’t have families and the same “things” that I have. Because of that, I have a hard time dealing with the fact that I have to work in one place from 8-5 M-F. I feel like too much of my time has to be spent at work, not leaving enough for relationships. Ugh That fires me up so much. I keep reminding myself that my mission field is the office and it will continue to be until the Lord sends me elsewhere.
23.In college, I ate Taco Bell, Little Caesars, Dominos, TCBY, Smoothie King, Buffalo Phils, Crimson Café, City Café, 15th Street Diner, Chick-Fil-A, and a few other places every single week. I mean, I had frequent flyer cards to places that didn’t offer frequent flyer cards! I also kept brownies and rice krispy treats cooked up with southern sweet iced tea so that I would always have something good for anyone that came to visit. How in the world was I not obese? If I even look in the direction of one of those places right now, I gain 10 pounds. Seriously, why does our metabolism completely head for the hills after college?
24.One of my best friends (Hannah) and I wanted to be contestants on “Fear Factor: Best Friends” at one point in our lives. You never know with us, we might just show up on there one day!
25.Everything that’s good in me, is Jesus.
2.My family (dad, mom, 2 brothers, 2 sisters {in-law}) are my world and my best friends. They are my biggest and best support group and I would be lost without them. The older and wiser I get, the more appreciative of them I become. Mess with them, and I will take you down. I’m just sayin’. ;)
3.I grew up fishing in the lake in my backyard, building forts(and helping set them on fire), climbing trees w/ rope swings, riding go carts/golf carts, jumping bales of hay, riding a 10 speed back and forth from each of my friends homes in my neighborhood everyday in the summertime, having swimming parties and cookouts in our backyard, playing ghost in the graveyard, having fish fries, Alabama football tailgate parties, camping out in the backyard or at a neighbor’s house, etc. My neighborhood was incredible thanks to Sunny, Megan, Ashton, Rodney, Mark, Lauren M, Lauren E, Ashlynn, Lindsey, Susie, Leslie, Bryan, the Brackins, the Owens, and everyone else that I have forgotten. I had an incredible childhood. The awesome thing is, I still do most of these activities. ;)
4.Through my dad's death, the Lord has brought me some of the most amazing new friends to love and help comfort me. I am most grateful for them! "You give and take away...my heart will choose to say, Lord Blessed be your name!"
5.I love all things outdoors, playing rockband, having great life chats with some of my best friends, watching movies, and people watching. I love people and I get the most pleasure from spending quality time with close friends and family -afterall, QT is one of my love languages.
6.I look forward to getting married and being a mom one day. I want at least 4 kids and would love to adopt, possibly from various countries. How amazing would it be to save a little girl from China, a little boy from Kazakhstan, and so forth? I think it’s just a little glimpse of what heaven will be like.
7.I am SO blessed with my job and those that I work with at DAXKO. Thank you, Lord, for your provisions!
8.I am colorblind, I hate shopping, I still sleep with a baby blanket every night, and I have lived in a total of 11 homes/apartments in less than 9 years(all between B’ham and Tuscaloosa), and I love, love, love food. It’s just how we show our love in the Crumpler family (and in Alabama!).
9.I spent my 21st birthday at Six Flags with some of my best friends and left shortly after to spend a summer in California, which turned out to be the best summer of my life!
10.My favorite artists/groups are Third Day, Casting Crowns, Rita Springer, and Natalie Grant. Their concerts are really worship services—so powerful and life changing!
11.My favorite restaurant in Birmingham is Surin.
12.Evidently I like change--I have had bleached blonde hair, bright red hair, jet black hair, horrible bangs, and a smurf haircut throughout my lifetime--most of this also happened when I had braces for 4 years. WOW.
13.I LOVE the bright colored bendy straws that you can get in a package for about $0.88 at Wal-Mart. I use a straw for everything!!! I know, it doesn’t take much to make me happy.
14.I’m officially addicted to caffeine and have no intention to break myself of this anytime soon. I can’t seem to find enough time to sleep, so I drink coffee and Spark by Advocare. Then, I can’t sleep because I’m so wired from the caffeine. It’s just a perpetual and never ending cycle. Again, I have no desire to make this better anytime soon.
15.I love to snow ski , although it has been a few years since my last trip. I’d love to go again, soon. Any takers??
16.I enjoy the small things in life and am learning to slow down and soak in each day because I’ve come to realize they pass all too quickly.
17.I cannot wait to get to Heaven- to spend Eternity with my Heavenly Dad and to see my dad, my brother Eric, Russ and Katie's first baby, and many dear friends again. Oh what a glorious day that will be!!
18.I have self diagnosed myself as having separation anxiety.
19.I LOVE music and love to dance. I will do it again someday. I’m just waiting for the right opportunity to present itself (one in which I can do for God’s glory).
20. I tend to only disclose “surface level” information; however, I’m ALWAYS listening, watching, discerning, and “taking things in” from others.
21.Two Pesos is my favorite Mexican restaurant and the owners all know me. I obviously frequent this restaurant too much because the last time I visited their new location, one of the workers said “I’m so sorry we don’t have a to-go menu for you just yet. I promise I can get you one next time you stop by! I’ll do it just for you!” You know you have a problem when...
22.I still don’t know what I want to do when I grow up. I love Jesus, I love my family, and I love people. Some days I have to fight the urge to sell everything, pack up, and just head to another country to love on people that don’t have families and the same “things” that I have. Because of that, I have a hard time dealing with the fact that I have to work in one place from 8-5 M-F. I feel like too much of my time has to be spent at work, not leaving enough for relationships. Ugh That fires me up so much. I keep reminding myself that my mission field is the office and it will continue to be until the Lord sends me elsewhere.
23.In college, I ate Taco Bell, Little Caesars, Dominos, TCBY, Smoothie King, Buffalo Phils, Crimson Café, City Café, 15th Street Diner, Chick-Fil-A, and a few other places every single week. I mean, I had frequent flyer cards to places that didn’t offer frequent flyer cards! I also kept brownies and rice krispy treats cooked up with southern sweet iced tea so that I would always have something good for anyone that came to visit. How in the world was I not obese? If I even look in the direction of one of those places right now, I gain 10 pounds. Seriously, why does our metabolism completely head for the hills after college?
24.One of my best friends (Hannah) and I wanted to be contestants on “Fear Factor: Best Friends” at one point in our lives. You never know with us, we might just show up on there one day!
25.Everything that’s good in me, is Jesus.
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