Becoming the Person You're Looking For is Looking For...

Am I the person I’m looking for is looking for?

This simple, yet profound, question recently posed by Andy Stanley & Perry Noble has rocked my world.

Godly relationships require that we set high standards while holding to them unswervingly. While I’ve
always held dating in high regard with respect to who I’ve chosen to date, I’ve not always intentionally
thought about how I’m preparing myself to be the person I am looking for is looking for. Until now that
is.

Like many of you, I have my list of “non-negotiable standards” that I look for in a guy I date. This is
because this guy has all the potential in the world to become my best friend and husband one day. He
will be the daddy of our children. Our lives, marriage, & family will do more for the glory of the Lord
and for His Kingdom because we will be better together. So yes, absolutely. There are non-negotiable
standards.

My fear is that many of us girls set standards for men that we ourselves are not willing to be held
accountable to. We desire to be pursued and loved by a godly man; however, the lifestyles we lead
don’t always attract that. We want him to be a spiritual leader, but we often times fail to support &
encourage him in his efforts. We crave, at the core of who we are, to be loved and cherished; yet, we
neglect to honor & respect him.

Instead, I often hear, “All men are just pigs! They are after one thing and one thing only. Where are the
Christian guys that will step up and lead? Why aren’t guys taking the initiative anymore?”

Incredible godly men do exist (& I believe it’s safe to say the single men are looking for incredible godly
women…am I right?)! They are rising up in great multitudes! They are stepping up, taking the lead,
& being men of God. The Lord has blessed me so much by exposing me to this during a season where
I, myself, needed that truth revived within me. For those of you struggling with receiving this, I pray
that God meets you where you are right now – that He wipes away bitterness, doubt, painful pasts,
dad holes, & whatever else is keeping you trapped & in a state of despondency. By His wounds you are
healed!

Before we can become the right person, we have to know what that requires. Who are we as women/
wives called to be? The Lord paints a very clear picture of this in Proverbs 31:10-31. In fact, there are several traits revealed in this Word. Here are a few of them:

Trusted
Kind
Fears the Lord
Blessed by her children
Careful
Praised
Not afraid
Worker with hands
Wise
Generous
Good to her husband
Of exceptional worth
Respectful to her husband

Overwhelmed by that? Feel disheartened, thinking you’ll never be that person? 2 Peter 1:3 says, “His
divine power has granted us everything pertaining to life & godliness, through the true knowledge of
Him who called us by His own glory & excellence.” I’m thankful for the indwelling work of the Holy Spirit
who enables us to be a Proverbs 31 woman. I’m thankful that He has granted us what we need. It’s
simply up to us to walk it out by obeying His Word and submitting to His will.

We will be held accountable as well, just for different things. So, what does becoming a Proverbs 31
woman/wife look like on a practical level? How do I prepare to become the person I am looking for is
looking for? Let’s look at a few ways…

What am I spending my time doing? Am I sitting idle waiting for macho-man Sully (quick…which TV show
is he from?) to ride in, profess his undying love, and sweep me into happily ever after? Am I entrenched
in the latest reality TV Shows and gossip magazines? Or, am I spending time in worship with the Lord,
studying His Word, allowing Him to infiltrate all of me, & just communing with Him? THAT is preparing
you to be the person you’re looking for is looking for.

Am I putting aside living my dreams in hopes that I can really start living life one day once I’m married
and have children? Or, am I running with perseverance the race marked out for me now while trusting
the Lord to bring me someone who is running his race in a lane nearby? Marriage is meant to make you
holy and the goal is to be joined together to run the race He’s set before you to glorify the Lord more
as a team than you would on your own. If you aren’t serving the Lord & running in obedience in the
direction He’s calling you to, how will someone be able to link arms with you and be going anywhere?
THAT is preparing you to be the person you’re looking for is looking for.

The tongue has the power of life or death. We can easily build men up and encourage them as leaders,
or we can emasculate them with a simple action, tone of voice, or our words. Ladies, you know how we
so strongly desire to be loved and understood? In that same way, men yearn to be respected. We must
learn to submit and be a helpmate, while encouraging him to lead. I’m in no way saying that we have no
opinion or influence. We aren’t puppets, we are helpmates. We are to be partners, but he is ultimately
responsible for the spiritual leadership and well-being of your future marriage and your family. He will
answer to God for that one day. Pray for him. Encourage him. Love him. Support him as he leads. Even
now, as a single lady, pray for your future husband. Pray for the Lord to protect his mind, eyes, heart,
purity, etc. and that he allows God to be Lord of his life. Stand in the gap for him even before you meet
him or marry him. THAT is preparing you to be the person you’re looking for is looking for.

I know whose I am and I am confident in who I am in the Lord. Still, I struggle with being restless, with
not being content in all seasons of life. My utmost desire in this world is to be a woman of God, to be
given the opportunity marry my best friend & to respect & honor him as my husband, to raise God
fearing children (both of my own & ones adopted as our own), & just to grow more intimately in love
with Him. So, I say this all as someone who is learning to wait well. To serve & lead well. To encourage,
support, honor, & respect well.

So ladies, contrary to what I often hear from many of you, all men are not pigs. If this becomes the message we communicate (verbally or nonverbally), it’s time we fall on our faces before our Almighty God & pray for Him to release the spirit of unforgiveness & unbelief that is plaguing us. Most of us can point back to the exact situation or person as being a source of many scabs that we carry. Our God is greater than the trunk full of baggage that we store up & carry & His love for you is extravagant. Open your trunk, throw out your extra baggage, & decide today to let Jesus, our Jehovah Rapha, heal your scabs. Let’s choose this day to live in freedom! Let’s choose this day to focus on becoming who the person we are looking for is looking for.

For those of you who are curious about my “non-negotiable standards,” below are some of them. I
know, you’re all stunned that “must wear cowboy boots, enjoy country music, love to dance, & must
embrace my awkwardness” didn’t make this list. Shocker, I know, but that’s really just icing on the cake.
Kind of. ;-)

• Does he have a personal, intimate relationship with the Lord? (2 Corinthians 6:14)
• “Yeah, he goes to church. He even goes with me sometimes” is not an acceptable response to that question. Ladies, you are worth more and your future marriage is worth more. If you have to drag him to church before marriage, you’ll be dragging him in marriage or going alone. If he doesn’t pursue & love the Lord, he won’t know how to pursue or love you.
• Does his life show evidenced fruit of loving and serving the Lord? (Matthew 7:16-20)
• How does he treat other people, especially women?( 1 Timothy 5:2)
• Spend some time getting to know him in different environments. Watch him around his family, with friends, with the waitress/waiter at a restaurant, with the grocery store clerk, at church, & so forth. Does he treat them with respect and honor, or is he condescending and chauvinistic? Is he genuine and authentic?
• How are his interactions with other females? Does he seem to get his ego boost from their interactions, or does he set healthy boundaries with them? Does he treat them “with all purity?” Where do you catch his eyes when he’s around women – is he disciplined enough to bounce them or does he give 2nd, 3rd, & 4th long glances while checking them out?
• Does he study and love God’s Word? (Psalm 119:9-16)
• Does he respect authority? Is he respected among his family, friends, and co-workers? (Romans
  13:1-3; Proverbs 31:23)
• Is he black and white in his decision making, or does he tend to live in the gray areas of
  compromise? (1 Corinthians 10:23; 1 Timothy 3:2-9)

Highlands Small Groups: My Story

Life change happens in the context of small groups. We are better together.

Sound familiar? If you visited Church of the Highlands at least once, you’ve heard these phrases. Chances are, you’ve heard them repeatedly. What does this mean to you? Have you experienced this “life change” that is so often referred to? And, better together? What is that all about, anyway? As a natural introvert (& someone who was quite comfortable that way), I’ll admit the thought of these 2 phrases was a bit daunting to begin with. I love to disciple, teach, and mentor others. It fuels me and encourages me. Put me an intimate setting where my feelings are shared, my “junk” is exposed, and people lay hands on me to pray & you’ll see what shock looks like to a Southern Baptist bred country girl. That is, until my world was rocked in 2009. This is my story.

I believed in, trusted, and submitted to the leadership and mission of Church of the Highlands in January 2009. Within a few short weeks, I had found a lifelong friend and mentor, a church home, and a small group. All of which I was longing for. A dear friend/mentor of mine and I had a similar vision for leading a women’s exercise class using Christian hip-hop music. She and I mixed music, choreographed routines, & prayed for the Lord to use us in this kickboxing ministry. Small groups, naturally, was the perfect avenue. I was pretty terrified the first few weeks (ok, maybe all 12) of the small group semester. There were times during the exercise classes where I resorted back to being a kid with sunglasses thinking, “no one can see me if I have these on, right?” I laugh now, but it was real then. I needed the power of the Holy Spirit to pull me out of my shell, to debunk lies of the enemy that I was not good enough, & to show me my value through Him. I knew and loved the Lord, but I didn’t walk in the full confidence of who I was in Him. What a travesty!

Joyce Meyer says, “Sometimes we have to do it afraid, but do it.” In my usual overzealous manner, I decided to lead another small group that semester. I had jumped out of the boat and there was no turning back. The Lord crossed my path with a member of the kickboxing small group who shared my longing to go deeper in the Word and teach what we were learning. We soon embarked upon leading our first college aged co-ed small group together. “You’re inadequate for this. Have you lost your mind? What if no one shows up? What if you don’t know the answers to questions that are asked?” I quickly learned that God’s adequacy is what I needed. It was all I needed. His power was available to me, it was up to me to tap into and the rest would fall into place.

During this semester, the Lord put a longing in my heart for China. This would be my first overseas mission trip endeavor, and I was going alone. Two weeks in China with no family, no friends, no cell phones, frigid showers, lots of bed bugs, weird corn ice cream, & unidentified foods that do a number on American intestines. You’re jealous right now, aren’t you? Sign me up! Our team began meeting to share and pray over each other prior to the trip. It was unlike anything I had ever seen. We quickly became a family. You know, the familiar, “a family that prays together, stays together” type. This was the beginning of a difficult, yet beautiful, journey for me.

My mission trip leader then became my small group leader, as I decided to attend and not lead during the summer semester. This leader was dynamic in sort that if she asked you to rake dog poop off someone’s lawn, you’d say yes ma’am and do it with your bare hands – all while smiling & thanking her for allowing you to do it. I was still shy and looking for my place in a church of 15,000+. She saw my potential and refused to allow me to settle for anything less. Sitting under her leadership for 6 short weeks was life altering. This small group was incredible, to say the least. Through late night ice cream gatherings and Veterans Park visits with others after small group, I developed authentic, live giving friendships. Each of these friends was yet another building block in the development of who I am in the Lord today.

Just as the summer semester came to a close, the leader and I headed to China with our team. We partnered with an organization that led leadership camps for university students. For 2 weeks, we ate, drank, and slept in dorm rooms with beautiful, encouraging, selfless, intelligent, lost Chinese students in need of a Savior. I went in hopes of ministering & bringing hope to the lost; I came home having been ministered to and changed forever by them. Comfort in every sense of the word was removed, but joy filled every crevice of my heart. I never want to return to the “comfort” that I succumb to prior to the trip, and that had blinded me for so long.

As the trip was winding down, I was awakened in the early morning hours by my leader. She had received a phone call from my oldest brother explaining that my dad had become very ill. Shortly after, someone that had quickly become a best friend was packing my stuff, my entire team was laying hands on me and praying over me, and I was headed home- alone and unsure of what I’d face when I got there. I flew halfway across the world and made it home in time to get my dad out of the hospital to spend the weekend with all of my family before he was healed forever. Just a few short days after returning home, my dad met his Maker.

Throughout the emotional, draining, confusing, mindless days that ensued, nearly every one that surrounded me was from my mission trip or small groups. These friends stayed with me during late hours of the night in a cold, dreary hospital. They came to sit with me in the early hours of the morning, bringing coffee to help keep me going. They gathered to pray for my dad and over my family in homes. The night he passed away, they packed all of our stuff up at the hospital, loaded our cars, and drove our cars home so my family could ride home together. They sent letters, texts, cards, & emails. They loaded our refrigerator & freezer with food. They brought fresh cut flowers just because. They drove 3 hours one way for a celebration service in honor of my dad. They drove long distance to my parents’ house to cut our grass while we were out of town with our family. They sent me surprises at my office for an entire week upon going back to work just to love on me. They let me cry when I needed to, without any explanation. They cried with me. They fought for me and stood in the gap for me. They continuously prayed for me and loved on me.

I had been at the church less than 8 months by this time. What incredible children of God. How incredibly blessed am I to have encountered them, to have experienced His love and grace through them? It’s unfathomable.

After this season, I slowly entered the small group scene again. It took me a few weeks to get adjusted, as being around groups of people nearly sent me into major panic attacks. Even when I couldn’t fully reciprocate the love & walked in shock for a while, God kept sending people my way. They didn’t expect anything in return; they just wanted to serve Him through loving and serving me.

A year later, I headed for 2 more weeks in the Philippines. I was a bit hesitant to leave my family behind, especially my mom. These same friends put together scripture cards and wrote journals and letters for me. While I was gone, they sent letters & emails to my mom to love on her. When I got back, some of them surprised me at the airport and greeted me with a big hug and smile.

To this day, some of my absolute dearest and best friends, accountability partners, and prayer warriors originated from the kickboxing small group, college co-ed small group, mission trip team, & summer small group. Each small group that I’ve attended and led since have added to this greatness.

God turned my world upside down and I will never be the same. Ever. I do not grieve for my dad, as he is healed and whole. He is with his First Love. I grieve for me, selfishly, because I miss him. I need him. Just as God provided the grace I’ve needed for the past 2 years 10 months, He will continue to do so. His grace is sufficient for me and His mercies are new every morning. I know this full well.

God is a God of miracles, and I happen to be one of His children that has received them. I started my tenure at Highlands as one marked by introversion and insecurity while loving God and loving people. I am now marked by one who walks in the fullness of who He has created me to be and in the confidence of who I am in Him. I have victory. I am whole. I am in love with my Heavenly Daddy. He is my joy and my strength. I know who I am in Christ.

Life change happens in the context of small groups. We are better together. I couldn’t agree more. What’s your story?