(this was written July 2013)
Greater things have yet to come...
I titled my blog with this promise as I prepared to embark on my first overseas mission trip to China 2009. Little did I know what thiswould mean in coming years. I share the following with you in hopes of helping someone.I had a conversation with a client of mine this week who had a complete meltdownover the phone, spilling her guilt over something that happened 13 years ago.She was so broken and this situation has caused her to live bound by chains &in bondage for 13 years. THIRTEEN YEARS! I left her with a charge to speak toyoung adults about her experience in an effort to keep them from having similarregrets in their 40s. I told her the way to make this right is to now helpeducate others by sharing what she went through, how it has affected her, & what can be done to make it right. I was convicted about sharing some of mystory as well. The Lord has done exceedingly, abundantly more than I could haveever asked or imagined. If I don’t share some of the highlights, He never getsthe glory. It’s taken me a bit to get to a place of absolute freedom in orderto share how the Lord has taken me through seasons and what He has done for me.So, here is a bit of insight. I utterly despise small talk and surfacey relationships,but it requires vulnerability if one is to get passed that. As uncomfortable asit is, I pray in the name of the Jesus that someone is encouraged, someone’shope is renewed & restored, someone receives the strength of the Lord tomake a difficult decision, or just that you draw close to the Lord & get toknow Him intimately.
4 short years ago I began a long trek home to start a newjourney. I was serving overseas, having the time of my life, when I got thecall that my dad was sick and it was time to come home to be with the family. Ilost count of the taxies, buses, & planes that it took to get from themiddle of nowhere in China to Birmingham, AL. For the record, I found an entirecountry that drives worse than me! It’s true, I promise. HA! I left thereuncertain of much, but at peace with all. I traveled back with no cell phone.No music/iPod. Just me, my bible, & my Jesus, into the unknown that awaitedme at Brookwood Hospital. So at peace. Broken and with tears, absolutely, butat peace. Looking back, I see God’s grace in every moment. Every.single.one.of.them!I truly felt “the peace of God that surpasses all understanding” as it guardedmy heart & my mind in Him.
Greater things have yet to come… “I’m remain confident ofthis, I will see the goodness of the Lord…”
“Wash, rinse, repeat.” That’s the essence of these promisesand the hope that I cling to – even when I don’t “feel” the presence of theLord, I know Him & therefores I know He’s with me always. I know it fullwell because I know the character of the One who made these promises. So, Iread the promises (wash), speak them over myself (rinse) and repeat them time…and time…and time again (repeat). Eventually, it sinks in. ;-)
These promises continued to ring out, through the uncertainty,a sudden death, and the “new way of life” that quickly became an unwelcomedreality. The physical process of sitting at the bottom of a hospital bedclinging to a loved one as the machine beeps to indicate the end of ones short life,picking out the burial outfit of that loved one, shopping through caskets in astale, uninviting room, & standing in a receiving line for hours greeting lovedones with smiles & hugs as they flood through is unbearable without thehelp of Jesus. I do not know how people without a relationship with Him doit…unless it involves lots of medication I guess. I believe the Lord providessome friends for certain seasons – ones that come alongside you for a time andare always remembered. He provided this for me. He didn’t have to, He wantedto. And He did. He continues to be patient with me as I learn to deal with lifeafter death. He continues to remind me that my pain is because I miss hisphysical self, but that my dad is whole and has been reunited with his firstlove. He’s walking in streets of gold with his Creator! Experiencing this hasgiven me greater compassion for those truly hurting and an even greater disdainfor temporal things of this world. It’s lessoned my desire to sweat the smallstuff and has quickened my heart to truly live a life of legacy.
A dear friend of mine from college shared a wise statementthat I’ll always remember. She said there are 2 things that break us the most –the death of a loved one and the death & heartbreak from a relationshipwith a loved one.
Within this same season, I was in what would become a life changingrelationship with a guy that was once my best friend. The relationship quicklyescalated to an emotionally & spiritually abusive relationship, one thatwas secretive as to protect him and his ministry, and one that broke me for aquite some time. I lost my identity and my purpose. I, like many others insimilar situations, believed that if I just tried harder and was just a betterperson, it would all be ok. I tried so hard to be whatever it was that wouldtake the pain away and to make things right. I lost a lot in the process,including the Natalie that people who have always known me have loved. I didn’t know how to get her back, but I prayed for strength to shut the door torelationship as the first step. My flesh didn’t want to, because I truly caredfor this person so I’d do whatever it took to keep the peace & abate the pain I was enduring. You know, there are 2 kinds of people in this world - thosewho do what they can and those who do what it takes. I’m the latter…sonaturally I kept trying to work harder and be better. I knew that I couldn’t walkaway on my own and I knew that in the days after, that I would need the Lord toheal me, repair my heart, put the pieces of me back together that had beenshredded, show me who I am in Him, teach me how to truly love, how to receiveand be loved, & give me hope to continue through each moment of each dayuntil I was strong enough to make it through the whole day, and another day,and another. I still recall the time the Lord flooded me with his supernaturalstrength & boldness to step up to the plate & walk away. He granted meexactly what I needed at the moment I needed it. I will never forget the feelingof immense peace that trickled through every fiber of my being in that moment.The internal pain was intense and at times nauseating, but the peace thatsurrounded me was supernatural and instant. During this time, the Lord providedme with absolute angels. There’s no other way to describe them. I had a supportgroup form out of nowhere that loved on me, cried with me, prayed for me,prayed with me, and just let me heal as I needed to. They were tough when theyneeded to be, but gentle when my heart couldn’t handle the toughness. To thisday, there is a bond with these dear friends that I will carry with me to mygrave. ONLY Jesus could have provided this, only Jesus y’all. For those of youin a similar situation, I pray that right now you receive the strength of theLord and walk in His protection. You are better than that, not because of whoyou are but because of WHOSE you are. Don’t allow the fear from the enemy tocripple you and keep you in bondage. The Lord has prepared a way out, take it.
As I review these past 4 years, I’m able to see God’s handin a tangible way. I’ve grown and changed more in these 4 years than my entire24 previous years combined. I’ve truly seen God work miracles. Yet, to becompletely transparent, it has actually been the most difficult years of mylife. Please hear that it truly is well with my soul, but please also know itis all due to the grace and mercy of my heavenly dad. Period. Anything that isgood in me is because of Him and from Him.
There have been moments where I wondered if I’d “feel” wholeagain. There are moments when I breakdown, even today, and cry out for the Lordto heal the void that was created when my dad left this earth. There are momentswhen I wonder if the burden I carry for my mom and for my family will utterlycrush me under its weight. There have been moments where the insecurity,humiliation, & brokenness from the abusive relationship weighed so heavythat the light of wholeness at the end of the tunnel became a distant, faintshadow that I dreamt would surface brightly sometime, somehow. God is JehovahRapha, our Healer. He is Jehovah Nissi, our banner of victory. You & I arevictorious & the light at the end of the tunnel shines ever so brightly! Infact, it shimmers.
The Lord has taken what was stolen and what was broken andHe has made it into a masterpiece. He’s taken the insecurity and fear ofrepetitive situations in future relationships and has nailed it to the crosswhere he said IT IS FINISHED. He’s replaced it with finding my identity andsafety in Him alone. He’s my daddy and His love for me is unconditional. He protectsme, provides for me, and fights for me. He has taken my brokenness and hasprepared a banquet before me. His plans for me are to prosper me, to give mehope and a future. I know that full well, as He is doing that even now. He’s myjoy and my salvation. He’s my security, my rock, my fortress & myever-present help in time of need. He’s my stability. His love for me isinconceivable, but I accept and receive it! I pray that you come to know Him asthese things, too.
I serve a mighty, gracious, compassionate, loving, perfect,& holy God whose ways are higher than my ways, whose thoughts are higherthan my thoughts, whose yoke is easy, whose burden is light, & who promisesto take care of me as I am the daughter of the Most High King. I don’t always knowwhat He is up to, but I know who He is – and I find solace, hope, peace, &rest in my soul because of that. I pray that you do as well.
I pray I never lose sight of where the Lord has taken and istaking me. It is well with my soul and my cup runneth over.
Greater things HAVE come!!!
