Greater Things HAVE Come

(this was written July 2013)

Greater things have yet to come...

I titled my blog with this promise as I prepared to embark on my first overseas mission trip to China 2009. Little did I know what thiswould mean in coming years. I share the following with you in hopes of helping someone.I had a conversation with a client of mine this week who had a complete meltdownover the phone, spilling her guilt over something that happened 13 years ago.She was so broken and this situation has caused her to live bound by chains &in bondage for 13 years. THIRTEEN YEARS! I left her with a charge to speak toyoung adults about her experience in an effort to keep them from having similarregrets in their 40s. I told her the way to make this right is to now helpeducate others by sharing what she went through, how it has affected her, & what can be done to make it right. I was convicted about sharing some of mystory as well. The Lord has done exceedingly, abundantly more than I could haveever asked or imagined. If I don’t share some of the highlights, He never getsthe glory. It’s taken me a bit to get to a place of absolute freedom in orderto share how the Lord has taken me through seasons and what He has done for me.So, here is a bit of insight. I utterly despise small talk and surfacey relationships,but it requires vulnerability if one is to get passed that. As uncomfortable asit is, I pray in the name of the Jesus that someone is encouraged, someone’shope is renewed & restored, someone receives the strength of the Lord tomake a difficult decision, or just that you draw close to the Lord & get toknow Him intimately.

4 short years ago I began a long trek home to start a newjourney. I was serving overseas, having the time of my life, when I got thecall that my dad was sick and it was time to come home to be with the family. Ilost count of the taxies, buses, & planes that it took to get from themiddle of nowhere in China to Birmingham, AL. For the record, I found an entirecountry that drives worse than me! It’s true, I promise. HA! I left thereuncertain of much, but at peace with all. I traveled back with no cell phone.No music/iPod. Just me, my bible, & my Jesus, into the unknown that awaitedme at Brookwood Hospital. So at peace. Broken and with tears, absolutely, butat peace. Looking back, I see God’s grace in every moment. Every.single.one.of.them!I truly felt “the peace of God that surpasses all understanding” as it guardedmy heart & my mind in Him. 

Greater things have yet to come… “I’m remain confident ofthis, I will see the goodness of the Lord…”

“Wash, rinse, repeat.” That’s the essence of these promisesand the hope that I cling to – even when I don’t “feel” the presence of theLord, I know Him & therefores I know He’s with me always. I know it fullwell because I know the character of the One who made these promises. So, Iread the promises (wash), speak them over myself (rinse) and repeat them time…and time…and time again (repeat). Eventually, it sinks in. ;-)

These promises continued to ring out, through the uncertainty,a sudden death, and the “new way of life” that quickly became an unwelcomedreality. The physical process of sitting at the bottom of a hospital bedclinging to a loved one as the machine beeps to indicate the end of ones short life,picking out the burial outfit of that loved one, shopping through caskets in astale, uninviting room, & standing in a receiving line for hours greeting lovedones with smiles & hugs as they flood through is unbearable without thehelp of Jesus. I do not know how people without a relationship with Him doit…unless it involves lots of medication I guess. I believe the Lord providessome friends for certain seasons – ones that come alongside you for a time andare always remembered. He provided this for me. He didn’t have to, He wantedto. And He did. He continues to be patient with me as I learn to deal with lifeafter death. He continues to remind me that my pain is because I miss hisphysical self, but that my dad is whole and has been reunited with his firstlove. He’s walking in streets of gold with his Creator! Experiencing this hasgiven me greater compassion for those truly hurting and an even greater disdainfor temporal things of this world. It’s lessoned my desire to sweat the smallstuff and has quickened my heart to truly live a life of legacy.

A dear friend of mine from college shared a wise statementthat I’ll always remember. She said there are 2 things that break us the most –the death of a loved one and the death & heartbreak from a relationshipwith a loved one.

Within this same season, I was in what would become a life changingrelationship with a guy that was once my best friend. The relationship quicklyescalated to an emotionally & spiritually abusive relationship, one thatwas secretive as to protect him and his ministry, and one that broke me for aquite some time. I lost my identity and my purpose. I, like many others insimilar situations, believed that if I just tried harder and was just a betterperson, it would all be ok. I tried so hard to be whatever it was that wouldtake the pain away and to make things right. I lost a lot in the process,including the Natalie that people who have always known me have loved. I didn’t know how to get her back, but I prayed for strength to shut the door torelationship as the first step. My flesh didn’t want to, because I truly caredfor this person so I’d do whatever it took to keep the peace & abate the pain I was enduring. You know, there are 2 kinds of people in this world - thosewho do what they can and those who do what it takes. I’m the latter…sonaturally I kept trying to work harder and be better. I knew that I couldn’t walkaway on my own and I knew that in the days after, that I would need the Lord toheal me, repair my heart, put the pieces of me back together that had beenshredded, show me who I am in Him, teach me how to truly love, how to receiveand be loved, & give me hope to continue through each moment of each dayuntil I was strong enough to make it through the whole day, and another day,and another. I still recall the time the Lord flooded me with his supernaturalstrength & boldness to step up to the plate & walk away. He granted meexactly what I needed at the moment I needed it. I will never forget the feelingof immense peace that trickled through every fiber of my being in that moment.The internal pain was intense and at times nauseating, but the peace thatsurrounded me was supernatural and instant. During this time, the Lord providedme with absolute angels. There’s no other way to describe them. I had a supportgroup form out of nowhere that loved on me, cried with me, prayed for me,prayed with me, and just let me heal as I needed to. They were tough when theyneeded to be, but gentle when my heart couldn’t handle the toughness. To thisday, there is a bond with these dear friends that I will carry with me to mygrave. ONLY Jesus could have provided this, only Jesus y’all. For those of youin a similar situation, I pray that right now you receive the strength of theLord and walk in His protection. You are better than that, not because of whoyou are but because of WHOSE you are. Don’t allow the fear from the enemy tocripple you and keep you in bondage. The Lord has prepared a way out, take it.

As I review these past 4 years, I’m able to see God’s handin a tangible way. I’ve grown and changed more in these 4 years than my entire24 previous years combined. I’ve truly seen God work miracles. Yet, to becompletely transparent, it has actually been the most difficult years of mylife. Please hear that it truly is well with my soul, but please also know itis all due to the grace and mercy of my heavenly dad. Period. Anything that isgood in me is because of Him and from Him.

There have been moments where I wondered if I’d “feel” wholeagain. There are moments when I breakdown, even today, and cry out for the Lordto heal the void that was created when my dad left this earth. There are momentswhen I wonder if the burden I carry for my mom and for my family will utterlycrush me under its weight. There have been moments where the insecurity,humiliation, & brokenness from the abusive relationship weighed so heavythat the light of wholeness at the end of the tunnel became a distant, faintshadow that I dreamt would surface brightly sometime, somehow. God is JehovahRapha, our Healer. He is Jehovah Nissi, our banner of victory. You & I arevictorious & the light at the end of the tunnel shines ever so brightly! Infact, it shimmers.

The Lord has taken what was stolen and what was broken andHe has made it into a masterpiece. He’s taken the insecurity and fear ofrepetitive situations in future relationships and has nailed it to the crosswhere he said IT IS FINISHED. He’s replaced it with finding my identity andsafety in Him alone. He’s my daddy and His love for me is unconditional. He protectsme, provides for me, and fights for me. He has taken my brokenness and hasprepared a banquet before me. His plans for me are to prosper me, to give mehope and a future. I know that full well, as He is doing that even now. He’s myjoy and my salvation. He’s my security, my rock, my fortress & myever-present help in time of need. He’s my stability. His love for me isinconceivable, but I accept and receive it! I pray that you come to know Him asthese things, too.

I serve a mighty, gracious, compassionate, loving, perfect,& holy God whose ways are higher than my ways, whose thoughts are higherthan my thoughts, whose yoke is easy, whose burden is light, & who promisesto take care of me as I am the daughter of the Most High King. I don’t always knowwhat He is up to, but I know who He is – and I find solace, hope, peace, &rest in my soul because of that. I pray that you do as well.

I pray I never lose sight of where the Lord has taken and istaking me. It is well with my soul and my cup runneth over.

Greater things HAVE come!!!

Tidbits from my travels...

Here are a few things I discovered on my 36 hour drive from Alabama to my new home in Reno/Tahoe, NV. I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I learned discovering it. So, here goes:

1. I'm certain that my home in heaven will be full of beautiful rolling hills, countryside as far as the eye can see, cattle roaming, cowboys, Chevy trucks, & cowboy boots...with unlimited brownies & frozen yogurt.

2. Everyone (that's you!) should take a road trip across the US. Load your car & go. Why are you still reading this? GO!

3. Texas is serious about their speed limit & that the "left lane is for passing only."

4. I'm inventing a driver's seat lavatory for cars. You're welcome.

5. It's allllll fun & games using an iPhone GPS until you lose all phone & Internet connection. #deliverance

6. Get gas. Lots of gas. When you think you have enough, get more. There's no one to help you in the middle of a desert when your gas light comes on.

7. Confusing "volume +" for "cruise speed +" on your steering wheel controls so you can break it down to the amazing song you're listening to will get your followed by state troopers. That is plural.

8. Pack toilet paper & have it readily available. Refer to #6 about sparse gas stations & get comfortable with your own kind of "road side service" if you know what I mean.

9.  Thank you, Jesus, for cruise control. Those of you who keep pulling out in front of those of us using it might meet Him a little sooner than expected.

10. Refer to 4, 6, & 8. Mainly 8.

Becoming the Person You're Looking For is Looking For...

Am I the person I’m looking for is looking for?

This simple, yet profound, question recently posed by Andy Stanley & Perry Noble has rocked my world.

Godly relationships require that we set high standards while holding to them unswervingly. While I’ve
always held dating in high regard with respect to who I’ve chosen to date, I’ve not always intentionally
thought about how I’m preparing myself to be the person I am looking for is looking for. Until now that
is.

Like many of you, I have my list of “non-negotiable standards” that I look for in a guy I date. This is
because this guy has all the potential in the world to become my best friend and husband one day. He
will be the daddy of our children. Our lives, marriage, & family will do more for the glory of the Lord
and for His Kingdom because we will be better together. So yes, absolutely. There are non-negotiable
standards.

My fear is that many of us girls set standards for men that we ourselves are not willing to be held
accountable to. We desire to be pursued and loved by a godly man; however, the lifestyles we lead
don’t always attract that. We want him to be a spiritual leader, but we often times fail to support &
encourage him in his efforts. We crave, at the core of who we are, to be loved and cherished; yet, we
neglect to honor & respect him.

Instead, I often hear, “All men are just pigs! They are after one thing and one thing only. Where are the
Christian guys that will step up and lead? Why aren’t guys taking the initiative anymore?”

Incredible godly men do exist (& I believe it’s safe to say the single men are looking for incredible godly
women…am I right?)! They are rising up in great multitudes! They are stepping up, taking the lead,
& being men of God. The Lord has blessed me so much by exposing me to this during a season where
I, myself, needed that truth revived within me. For those of you struggling with receiving this, I pray
that God meets you where you are right now – that He wipes away bitterness, doubt, painful pasts,
dad holes, & whatever else is keeping you trapped & in a state of despondency. By His wounds you are
healed!

Before we can become the right person, we have to know what that requires. Who are we as women/
wives called to be? The Lord paints a very clear picture of this in Proverbs 31:10-31. In fact, there are several traits revealed in this Word. Here are a few of them:

Trusted
Kind
Fears the Lord
Blessed by her children
Careful
Praised
Not afraid
Worker with hands
Wise
Generous
Good to her husband
Of exceptional worth
Respectful to her husband

Overwhelmed by that? Feel disheartened, thinking you’ll never be that person? 2 Peter 1:3 says, “His
divine power has granted us everything pertaining to life & godliness, through the true knowledge of
Him who called us by His own glory & excellence.” I’m thankful for the indwelling work of the Holy Spirit
who enables us to be a Proverbs 31 woman. I’m thankful that He has granted us what we need. It’s
simply up to us to walk it out by obeying His Word and submitting to His will.

We will be held accountable as well, just for different things. So, what does becoming a Proverbs 31
woman/wife look like on a practical level? How do I prepare to become the person I am looking for is
looking for? Let’s look at a few ways…

What am I spending my time doing? Am I sitting idle waiting for macho-man Sully (quick…which TV show
is he from?) to ride in, profess his undying love, and sweep me into happily ever after? Am I entrenched
in the latest reality TV Shows and gossip magazines? Or, am I spending time in worship with the Lord,
studying His Word, allowing Him to infiltrate all of me, & just communing with Him? THAT is preparing
you to be the person you’re looking for is looking for.

Am I putting aside living my dreams in hopes that I can really start living life one day once I’m married
and have children? Or, am I running with perseverance the race marked out for me now while trusting
the Lord to bring me someone who is running his race in a lane nearby? Marriage is meant to make you
holy and the goal is to be joined together to run the race He’s set before you to glorify the Lord more
as a team than you would on your own. If you aren’t serving the Lord & running in obedience in the
direction He’s calling you to, how will someone be able to link arms with you and be going anywhere?
THAT is preparing you to be the person you’re looking for is looking for.

The tongue has the power of life or death. We can easily build men up and encourage them as leaders,
or we can emasculate them with a simple action, tone of voice, or our words. Ladies, you know how we
so strongly desire to be loved and understood? In that same way, men yearn to be respected. We must
learn to submit and be a helpmate, while encouraging him to lead. I’m in no way saying that we have no
opinion or influence. We aren’t puppets, we are helpmates. We are to be partners, but he is ultimately
responsible for the spiritual leadership and well-being of your future marriage and your family. He will
answer to God for that one day. Pray for him. Encourage him. Love him. Support him as he leads. Even
now, as a single lady, pray for your future husband. Pray for the Lord to protect his mind, eyes, heart,
purity, etc. and that he allows God to be Lord of his life. Stand in the gap for him even before you meet
him or marry him. THAT is preparing you to be the person you’re looking for is looking for.

I know whose I am and I am confident in who I am in the Lord. Still, I struggle with being restless, with
not being content in all seasons of life. My utmost desire in this world is to be a woman of God, to be
given the opportunity marry my best friend & to respect & honor him as my husband, to raise God
fearing children (both of my own & ones adopted as our own), & just to grow more intimately in love
with Him. So, I say this all as someone who is learning to wait well. To serve & lead well. To encourage,
support, honor, & respect well.

So ladies, contrary to what I often hear from many of you, all men are not pigs. If this becomes the message we communicate (verbally or nonverbally), it’s time we fall on our faces before our Almighty God & pray for Him to release the spirit of unforgiveness & unbelief that is plaguing us. Most of us can point back to the exact situation or person as being a source of many scabs that we carry. Our God is greater than the trunk full of baggage that we store up & carry & His love for you is extravagant. Open your trunk, throw out your extra baggage, & decide today to let Jesus, our Jehovah Rapha, heal your scabs. Let’s choose this day to live in freedom! Let’s choose this day to focus on becoming who the person we are looking for is looking for.

For those of you who are curious about my “non-negotiable standards,” below are some of them. I
know, you’re all stunned that “must wear cowboy boots, enjoy country music, love to dance, & must
embrace my awkwardness” didn’t make this list. Shocker, I know, but that’s really just icing on the cake.
Kind of. ;-)

• Does he have a personal, intimate relationship with the Lord? (2 Corinthians 6:14)
• “Yeah, he goes to church. He even goes with me sometimes” is not an acceptable response to that question. Ladies, you are worth more and your future marriage is worth more. If you have to drag him to church before marriage, you’ll be dragging him in marriage or going alone. If he doesn’t pursue & love the Lord, he won’t know how to pursue or love you.
• Does his life show evidenced fruit of loving and serving the Lord? (Matthew 7:16-20)
• How does he treat other people, especially women?( 1 Timothy 5:2)
• Spend some time getting to know him in different environments. Watch him around his family, with friends, with the waitress/waiter at a restaurant, with the grocery store clerk, at church, & so forth. Does he treat them with respect and honor, or is he condescending and chauvinistic? Is he genuine and authentic?
• How are his interactions with other females? Does he seem to get his ego boost from their interactions, or does he set healthy boundaries with them? Does he treat them “with all purity?” Where do you catch his eyes when he’s around women – is he disciplined enough to bounce them or does he give 2nd, 3rd, & 4th long glances while checking them out?
• Does he study and love God’s Word? (Psalm 119:9-16)
• Does he respect authority? Is he respected among his family, friends, and co-workers? (Romans
  13:1-3; Proverbs 31:23)
• Is he black and white in his decision making, or does he tend to live in the gray areas of
  compromise? (1 Corinthians 10:23; 1 Timothy 3:2-9)

Highlands Small Groups: My Story

Life change happens in the context of small groups. We are better together.

Sound familiar? If you visited Church of the Highlands at least once, you’ve heard these phrases. Chances are, you’ve heard them repeatedly. What does this mean to you? Have you experienced this “life change” that is so often referred to? And, better together? What is that all about, anyway? As a natural introvert (& someone who was quite comfortable that way), I’ll admit the thought of these 2 phrases was a bit daunting to begin with. I love to disciple, teach, and mentor others. It fuels me and encourages me. Put me an intimate setting where my feelings are shared, my “junk” is exposed, and people lay hands on me to pray & you’ll see what shock looks like to a Southern Baptist bred country girl. That is, until my world was rocked in 2009. This is my story.

I believed in, trusted, and submitted to the leadership and mission of Church of the Highlands in January 2009. Within a few short weeks, I had found a lifelong friend and mentor, a church home, and a small group. All of which I was longing for. A dear friend/mentor of mine and I had a similar vision for leading a women’s exercise class using Christian hip-hop music. She and I mixed music, choreographed routines, & prayed for the Lord to use us in this kickboxing ministry. Small groups, naturally, was the perfect avenue. I was pretty terrified the first few weeks (ok, maybe all 12) of the small group semester. There were times during the exercise classes where I resorted back to being a kid with sunglasses thinking, “no one can see me if I have these on, right?” I laugh now, but it was real then. I needed the power of the Holy Spirit to pull me out of my shell, to debunk lies of the enemy that I was not good enough, & to show me my value through Him. I knew and loved the Lord, but I didn’t walk in the full confidence of who I was in Him. What a travesty!

Joyce Meyer says, “Sometimes we have to do it afraid, but do it.” In my usual overzealous manner, I decided to lead another small group that semester. I had jumped out of the boat and there was no turning back. The Lord crossed my path with a member of the kickboxing small group who shared my longing to go deeper in the Word and teach what we were learning. We soon embarked upon leading our first college aged co-ed small group together. “You’re inadequate for this. Have you lost your mind? What if no one shows up? What if you don’t know the answers to questions that are asked?” I quickly learned that God’s adequacy is what I needed. It was all I needed. His power was available to me, it was up to me to tap into and the rest would fall into place.

During this semester, the Lord put a longing in my heart for China. This would be my first overseas mission trip endeavor, and I was going alone. Two weeks in China with no family, no friends, no cell phones, frigid showers, lots of bed bugs, weird corn ice cream, & unidentified foods that do a number on American intestines. You’re jealous right now, aren’t you? Sign me up! Our team began meeting to share and pray over each other prior to the trip. It was unlike anything I had ever seen. We quickly became a family. You know, the familiar, “a family that prays together, stays together” type. This was the beginning of a difficult, yet beautiful, journey for me.

My mission trip leader then became my small group leader, as I decided to attend and not lead during the summer semester. This leader was dynamic in sort that if she asked you to rake dog poop off someone’s lawn, you’d say yes ma’am and do it with your bare hands – all while smiling & thanking her for allowing you to do it. I was still shy and looking for my place in a church of 15,000+. She saw my potential and refused to allow me to settle for anything less. Sitting under her leadership for 6 short weeks was life altering. This small group was incredible, to say the least. Through late night ice cream gatherings and Veterans Park visits with others after small group, I developed authentic, live giving friendships. Each of these friends was yet another building block in the development of who I am in the Lord today.

Just as the summer semester came to a close, the leader and I headed to China with our team. We partnered with an organization that led leadership camps for university students. For 2 weeks, we ate, drank, and slept in dorm rooms with beautiful, encouraging, selfless, intelligent, lost Chinese students in need of a Savior. I went in hopes of ministering & bringing hope to the lost; I came home having been ministered to and changed forever by them. Comfort in every sense of the word was removed, but joy filled every crevice of my heart. I never want to return to the “comfort” that I succumb to prior to the trip, and that had blinded me for so long.

As the trip was winding down, I was awakened in the early morning hours by my leader. She had received a phone call from my oldest brother explaining that my dad had become very ill. Shortly after, someone that had quickly become a best friend was packing my stuff, my entire team was laying hands on me and praying over me, and I was headed home- alone and unsure of what I’d face when I got there. I flew halfway across the world and made it home in time to get my dad out of the hospital to spend the weekend with all of my family before he was healed forever. Just a few short days after returning home, my dad met his Maker.

Throughout the emotional, draining, confusing, mindless days that ensued, nearly every one that surrounded me was from my mission trip or small groups. These friends stayed with me during late hours of the night in a cold, dreary hospital. They came to sit with me in the early hours of the morning, bringing coffee to help keep me going. They gathered to pray for my dad and over my family in homes. The night he passed away, they packed all of our stuff up at the hospital, loaded our cars, and drove our cars home so my family could ride home together. They sent letters, texts, cards, & emails. They loaded our refrigerator & freezer with food. They brought fresh cut flowers just because. They drove 3 hours one way for a celebration service in honor of my dad. They drove long distance to my parents’ house to cut our grass while we were out of town with our family. They sent me surprises at my office for an entire week upon going back to work just to love on me. They let me cry when I needed to, without any explanation. They cried with me. They fought for me and stood in the gap for me. They continuously prayed for me and loved on me.

I had been at the church less than 8 months by this time. What incredible children of God. How incredibly blessed am I to have encountered them, to have experienced His love and grace through them? It’s unfathomable.

After this season, I slowly entered the small group scene again. It took me a few weeks to get adjusted, as being around groups of people nearly sent me into major panic attacks. Even when I couldn’t fully reciprocate the love & walked in shock for a while, God kept sending people my way. They didn’t expect anything in return; they just wanted to serve Him through loving and serving me.

A year later, I headed for 2 more weeks in the Philippines. I was a bit hesitant to leave my family behind, especially my mom. These same friends put together scripture cards and wrote journals and letters for me. While I was gone, they sent letters & emails to my mom to love on her. When I got back, some of them surprised me at the airport and greeted me with a big hug and smile.

To this day, some of my absolute dearest and best friends, accountability partners, and prayer warriors originated from the kickboxing small group, college co-ed small group, mission trip team, & summer small group. Each small group that I’ve attended and led since have added to this greatness.

God turned my world upside down and I will never be the same. Ever. I do not grieve for my dad, as he is healed and whole. He is with his First Love. I grieve for me, selfishly, because I miss him. I need him. Just as God provided the grace I’ve needed for the past 2 years 10 months, He will continue to do so. His grace is sufficient for me and His mercies are new every morning. I know this full well.

God is a God of miracles, and I happen to be one of His children that has received them. I started my tenure at Highlands as one marked by introversion and insecurity while loving God and loving people. I am now marked by one who walks in the fullness of who He has created me to be and in the confidence of who I am in Him. I have victory. I am whole. I am in love with my Heavenly Daddy. He is my joy and my strength. I know who I am in Christ.

Life change happens in the context of small groups. We are better together. I couldn’t agree more. What’s your story?

It's Not Over!

This week I am reminded yet again of the brevity and fragility of life. It neither starts nor ends with us. We are simply clay in the hands of our Creator being molded, transformed, & renewed into His likeness, His image. What a beautiful end result this produces, but what a painful, even frustrating, process this often times is. Our very nature, our flesh, seeks to be in charge and to control our circumstances, our present, our future, & our lives. Oh, how we were created for so much more. Yet, we allow ourselves to lose sight of this. We allow ourselves to become disillusioned, paralyzed by fear, & jaded by our circumstances. Yes, I said we allow it. Harsh? No. Truth.

I cannot promise that all of the days ahead will be full of sugar, spice, and all things nice. In fact, I can assure you with utmost confidence that they will not. What I can tell you is that the days ahead are numbered and we each have a choice of how we will live them. We will face challenging circumstances, sometimes even gut wrenching tragedies. We have a decision to make. Do we allow ourselves to give in and carry the bondage of fear, hurt, anger, sadness, depression, rejection, anxiety, bitterness, lack of forgiveness, & any other range of negative feelings and emotions? Do we allow these things to define us, or is there a more life giving approach to living? There is a better way to live, and I dare us to live it!

My family received the “gut wrenching tragedy” kind of news again this week. In my flesh, I became angry, sad, and could probably have taken out an entire army. I don’t understand it and I’m left with way more questions than answers. Again. To be completely vulnerable, I feel that my immediate family has been through enough hell between diseases, cancer, sicknesses, deaths, etc. to last several lifetimes. I find myself crying out to God, “HELP! When is enough, enough? I trust you, I do. I trust you, but I/we are evermore in need of your healing, your presence, & just You.”

I say this not to solicit questions or empathy. I say it because I know several of you, too, are walking through similar situations and are in need of hope, joy, and peace. I’m reminded that we are finite beings with major limitations. Get this…it doesn’t end there! We are under the covering of an infinite God that is all powerful and does not know limitations. In fact, He breaks through our own like the morning dawn. He makes us radiant with joy!

The Holy Spirit put 3 words on my heart that I have to share with you.

It’s not over.

Read that again. It’s not over! IT IS NOT OVER. Claim that over your circumstances right now. Do you believe it?

“…The Lord has promised good to me. His word my hope secures. He will my shield and portion be, as long as life endures. My chains are gone, I've been set free. My God, my Savior has ransomed me. And like a flood His mercy rains unending love, amazing grace…”

What are YOUR “chains?” What is it that is holding you captive, keeping you bound and in bondage? What’s keeping you from living in freedom and joy, unscathed by and regardless of the trials and tribulations of this world? Release it to the Lord. Surrender your control of it. His yoke is easy and His burden light.

Whatever negative report you’ve received from the doctor, it’s not over! Whatever dead end you might be facing in your marriage, at your job, or in your family - it’s not over! Whatever bondage or sin you’re continuously fighting to overcome, you WILL. It’s not over!

It’s not over!

I Believe You're My Healer

Wow, it has been quite some time since my last post! As I sit here worshipping & soaking with my Jesus, I'm overcome with tears of joy as He sings over me. I am humbled and in awe of all that He is doing in my life and in the lives of those I love most. Surreal. Yep, that's a good word for it. Lord, give me a discerning, wise heart. Give me passion for you & your children that is unexplainable - so much that it seems crazy to outsiders- where "radical" doesn't even begin to scratch the surface of it! More of you, less of me.

As I reflect on the incredible things God is doing now, I can't help but think back over the events that have transpired these past 21 months. There have surely been too many to list here. I'm filled with awestruck wonder as I recall the process God has brought my family & me through during this time. His grace, mercy, & love never fails. It never, ever fails.

This song is now playing. How fitting, right?
"Holy, Holy, Holy
Is the Lord God Almighty
Who was, and is, and is to come
With all creation I sing
Praise to the King of Kings
You are my everything
And I will adore You"


In the midst of my worship time tonight, I stumbled across a note I wrote just 5 weeks after my dad went to be with Jesus. I cried, of course, as I read through this just a moment ago because I can vividly recall every bit of it. Even better than that, I can still feel God's hand holding mine, leading me ever so gently moment by moment. He's the great I AM. He's my comforter, healer, sustainer, confidant, strength, bread of life, confidence, hope, peace, joy, freedom giver, fulfillment, best friend, and so much more.

I'd like to share the note with you... Please excuse the grammatical errors and missing words here and there. It took all I could do to remember my name at that time. :)

I find it difficult to write this note, as after 5 weeks things still seem quite surreal. I keep thinking that at anytime this will be over and life will go back to normal. I’m reminded that while this time of grieving isn’t indefinite, the old normal has gone and a new normal will soon arise. How I long and ache for my dad to be here, to take him on a surprise trip for the two of us at Alabama Adventures, for him to do his silly dance in the den that embarrassed me, to enjoy this next season of Alabama football that he loved so much, to ride me on the wave runner and pull me on skis, to brave the Nascar simulators at the Galleria, and just to continue doing life with us. I’d give anything for him to be able to hold his first baby grandson, to walk me down the aisle in my white dress, and to hold, love, and cherish my mom forever. I overflow with joy as I reflect on the life that he lived, the legacy that he left behind, and the fact that he has seen glory! He’s getting his reward both now and forevermore. While I feel like shattered glass, the love, joy, peace, and hope that my heavenly dad provides new each day radiates from within. I am experiencing peace that transcends all understanding in a whole new light. I can feel His presence as He holds my hand and guides me when there seems to be no way, as He comforts and sustains me as I adjust to life without a loved one, and as He promises better things have yet to come. His grace is more than enough. Oh man. That is something else I’m seeing and experiencing in new ways. He grabs me up when I start to fall, even when I am so broken, angry, or just a mess altogether and can’t seem to grab hold of the life preserver. He grabs it for me. He is so patient, loving, and compassionate. I do not know how people survive this without knowing Him, but I am thankful that I don’t have to.
Just to give a little insight as to what happened… Dad started feeling a little odd a few months ago. He had a physical done in May and every single thing checked out great. There was nothing to be found. Unbelievable, I know. Even after numerous visits with a team of great doctors, no one could determine what was causing his pain or other symptoms. We thought he possibly had a parasite or something wrong with his gallbladder. He was scheduled to have his gallbladder removed a few weeks ago, but tests were so inconclusive and he was spiraling downhill so rapidly that they opted against it. By this time, I had been in China with my church for a couple of weeks thinking that He was fine, just as he was when I flew out. One of my leaders had to wake me up early one morning to tell me that I needed to call home because my dad wasn’t doing very well. At this point, he was getting ready to have a risky exploratory surgery and the family knew that I’d kick their booties if I wasn’t brought home for something that serious. I had no idea how serious it was about to become, none of us did. After traveling 36 hours solo, I flew into Birmingham, Chad picked me up, and I ran into Brookwood to surprise my dad. He had no idea they were able to get me back. He was so precious. His eyes lit up and he just opened his arms toward me, unable to sit up and grab and squeeze me like he always had. The whole travel experience was absolutely incredible. That’s a whole other story in itself of God’s grace and power. I have never felt God’s presence in such a mighty way as I did during that time. I pray that I never forget that feeling. I could feel angels surrounding me with a cloud of protection, peace, calmness, and wisdom. It was so real. I didn’t have someone to help translate, I didn’t have a friend to comfort me and tell me things would be ok, I didn’t have someone to keep me company, I didn’t have someone to depend on. It was just the two of us, God and me. His grace IS all sufficient. It IS more than enough. I am confident of it. I’m living proof. He gets ALL of the glory and praise for that. O man. I wouldn’t have had it any other way. I got a little off track, back to the story... I flew in on Friday, July 24th and we called all of the extended family together at the lake. We were able to take dad home for the weekend as he was scheduled for his massive surgery the following Monday. We had 44 of us from newborns to grandparents and we partied and celebrated like never before. The weekend was full of laughter and tears, boating, fishing, food, quality time, fun, and best of all, praise and worship of our sweet Savior. We all gathered around my dad as we anointed his head with oil and laid hands on him, praying fervently for healing and restoration of his physical body. It was the greatest thing to be part of this and I was so thankful to God that I was able to fly in just in time. We spent the weekend loving on my dad and on each other before heading to the hospital bright at early Monday, July 27th. He was in surgery until after lunch. This is when our world was turned upside down. The doctor took our immediate family into a room to share with us that my dad had metastatic poorly differentiated adenocarcinoma. Translation: he was eaten up with cancer, there was no way to determine where it originated from, and there was no treatment for it. Our world froze when we heard that. He had a massive tumor wrapped around the outside of his heart and it had spread along the main artery leading to and from it, allowing for only 20% usage. He was being suffocated, as this was literally choking the life out of him. We spent every moment from then out in the hospital, with the exception of one day. He stayed in the ICU the whole week after his surgery and was released to go home on Friday, July 31st. The team of doctors knew how bad it was and pretty much sent him home to enjoy it as long as possible. Within less than 24hrs we were scrambling to get everyone loaded up and get him to the ER because he wasn’t able to breathe and was quickly failing. We all followed behind while mom drove him. (She was an absolute, stinkin’ amazing rock the entire time. Talk about the greatness of the Lord, He showed out in and through her like cuh-razy!!) As they pulled away, dad looked up and said, “Goodbye ole house!” He continued to go down and not respond to treatments of any kind at that point. He had another surgery on Monday, August 3rd, to place a stent in the main artery so that it would open up and allow blood to flow freely again. We were preparing to get him stable from that surgery and fly to MD Anderson in Houston within the next couple of days. He didn’t recover from the stent surgery because it didn’t do what it was supposed to have done. The doctor was blown away, as the blockage went from 80% to 100% within 7 days. He said he had never seen anything this aggressive in all of his years in medical practice. Leave it up to us to create medical history. We were up with him that night until after 2am nursing him and trying to keep him comfortable. At 4am, his machine signaled problems and the nurse ran in to check him out. He was becoming unresponsive and his kidneys were failing as a result of the effects the tumor was having on his heart. He continued to decline rapidly and by 6am, we had to call all of the family in. He never got better. He was unresponsive from that point on, although he’d “come back” sometimes to tell us about a memory from way back when. He really couldn’t speak and he had no idea what he was saying. He kept trying to fix things, like he was out on the boat or at his shop. It was so cute. My family stood around his hospital bed holding him, singing over him, and praying until he took his last breath. That, too, was an unforgettable memory. It happened so fast, though. He passed away 8 days after his diagnosis. He died at 8:49pm on 8/4/09.

That'll do for now. Maybe I'll hop back on board with this whole blog posting idea one day soon. We'll see. ;-)

God Bless you!

No Matter What

Sometimes there are no words to describe how we feel. Others, the words flow like a fountain. Then, there are these times in between where song lyrics portray the exact cry of our heart. That is certainly the case with this song...

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I’m running back to your promises one more time, Lord that’s all I can hold on to
I gotta say this has taken me by surprise, but nothing surprises you.
Before a heartache can ever touch my life, it has to go through Your hands
And even though I keep asking why, I keep asking why

No matter what, I’m gonna love You, no matter what I’m gonna need You
I know You can find a way to keep me from the pain but if not, I’ll trust you
No matter what, no matter what.

When I’m stuck and there’s nothing else by my side, I’m just sitting in silence
There’s no way I can make it without Your help, I wont even try it.
I know You have Your reasons for everything, so I will keep believing
Whatever I might be feeling, God you are my hope, and you will be my strength

No matter what, I’m gonna love You, no matter what I’m gonna need You
I know You can find a way to keep me from the pain but if not, I’ll trust you
No matter what, no matter what.

Anything I don’t have You can give it to me, but it’s ok if You don’t
I’m not here for those things, the touch of Your love is enough on its own
No matter what I still love You and I’m gonna need You

No matter what I’m gonna love you, no matter what I’m gonna need you
I know You can find a way to keep me from the pain but if not , I’ll trust You
No matter what, no matter what.

I know You can find a way to keep me from the pain, but if not, I’ll trust you
No matter what, no matter what, no matter, no matter what...