How Did I Get Here?

I am a child of the Most High God! It is because of His grace that I have fellowship and relationship with my Heavenly Dad. As Ephesians 2:1 declares, I was dead in my transgressions and sins. Still, He died for me! He chose me! He saved me! I grew up in a Christian home with incredibly godly parents and was exposed to great Christian leadership and examples from an early age. Each of these carried significant influence in my decision to accept the call that the Holy Spirit put in my heart. At the age of 9, I accepted His grace, through faith. I wanted the joy of the Lord and I wanted to spend eternity with Him. My Christian walk has been ultimately characterized by growth. I’m not yet who I want to be, but thank God I’m not who I used to be. There are 2 seasons in life that have proved pivotal in my relationship with the Lord.

The first was during my junior year of college when the Lord really exposed the depths of my heart and awakened me to a new life with Him. I grew up being in church every time the doors were open – Sunday school, bible drill, GAs, choir, youth group, VBS, and countless other things the typical “good Christian” might be part of. I realized later that while I did this out of obedience, it was more out of obedience to my parents and family. My walk with the Lord became characterized by rituals and less as a result of the Spirit working in me. I was so focused on doing things for God that I missed God altogether. I was bound by legalism and religion until the Lord broke me of this and opened my eyes to a real relationship with Him. I began a season of living life according to Natalie, and that failed miserably. During my junior year of college, the Lord began working in my heart and revealing Himself in new ways. He permeated and captivated my heart as I began spending time in His word and worshiping Him. I was in desperate need of being rescued from myself and from living a life according to a list of dos and don’ts. I needed a Savior and He came to my rescue. I was broken and as I sat alone in my apartment crying out to Him and rocking it out to Hillsongs and Rita Springer worship music. He answered. I am his daughter, I was bought with a price, the ultimate sacrifice, and He loves me (and you!) so much! I love Him so much!

The second occurred not much later in life, just short of 10 months ago. I was serving the Lord out of love for Him and desire to further His kingdom. He continued to show me more of His ways as I was growing in wisdom, in love with, and in knowledge of Him. Everything in life appeared fantastic. I was stoked one July morning at 5am as I jumped on a plane and headed to China for 2 weeks with a group of 20 God fearing strangers. God really messed with me while I was there by pushing me out of my comfort zone in many areas and challenging me to take the next step in my faith. The Holy Spirit revealed to me that I needed to release any control that I still held on to in my life. That’s always scary, right? Picture this: You’re on the top of a mountain, overlooking a cliff. You can do 1 of 3 things. You can slowly tip toe to the edge and look over while keeping your whole body on the cliff, you can hold on to the cliff with part of your body while the other part dangles, or you can run and jump off and hope that something saves you. The Lord clearly spoke to me and said, “Natalie, it’s time to fully surrender – no more holding on with one toe or one hand (to the things that you want to control). It’s time to run and jump! Do you trust me to save you? Do you trust me?“ I did. I had no clue what was in store in the days and weeks ahead, but I knew I trusted Him. I joyfully answered His calling, knowing that His ways are higher and that His plan for me is absolutely perfect. Just days later, I was awakened early one morning by a loud knock on my door with news that would forever change my life. My oldest brother called my group leader because my dad had become very ill and I needed to fly home. At that moment, I sat on the front steps of a building in the middle of a communist country with my hands up crying out to God for wisdom, crying out for His will, and crying out for grace and mercy. My entire group cried with and prayed over me, anointed me with oil, and believed in the Lord for healing of my dad and safety in my venture home. I proceeded to travel 36+ hours across the world by myself, not knowing what I would be coming home to. His presence radiated through me like nothing I had ever experienced in my life. The Lord guided my every single step along the way. He saturated me with His presence, His peace, His joy, His love, and just HIM! It was all God, and none of me! We had a huge family gathering (45+) the night I flew in and we all interceded for my dad, laid hands on Him, quoted God’s promises from the Word, anointed him with oil, and believed for a miracle. The Lord showed up, as He always does, just not in a way that we with limited sight would have chosen. Three days after my return home, my dad had a major surgery. He was diagnosed with cancer and passed away 8 short days later. I’ve lost a daddy, a best friend, a Christian mentor, and so much more. My mom lost her sweetheart and best friend of almost 40 years. Yet, through this, I’m experiencing the joy of the Lord as my strength. I am experiencing the peace of God that transcends all understanding. I’m experiencing brokenness and refinement. I’m experiencing God!!! God is faithful! He promises to complete the work He began in me until the day of Christ Jesus – he’s not through with me yet! He’s showing me joy in the midst of suffering, perseverance and commitment, and just how full of grace and mercy He is. He is all of these despite our circumstances. He has given me a story of absolute hope. Although helpless, I am not hopeless. I no longer talk about how great His grace is based on something I’ve read in scripture, I’m a living and breathing example of it! Best of all, He has given me a love affair relationship with Him. He’s removed me so far from my comfort zone that I don’t even know where that is anymore. I wouldn’t trade it for anything in this world! I’ve run and jumped off the cliff and He is rocking my world! I’m driven by Eternity, I know that my redeemer lives, and I’ll stand with Him one day! Until then, it’s my longing to bring Him glory and serve as His ambassador.